This video was completely unscripted so there are probably a few things I could have expressed more effectively. This is just my thoughts on my personal psychedelic journey, and how I feel about certain things at this current moment in time. My views on psychedelics is coming from constantly returning especially when you don't integrate properly and aren't prepared enough. Of course there are people out there who can trip out recreationally and have fun, but it's when people act like this is fine for EVERYBODY that I have a problem with, since it can lead some people down a very dark path. Yes, I could have been more calculated, analytical and carefully placed my words defending my views, etc. but I don’t care about any of that. I’m not trying to convince anyone of anything. Yes, I may have came off ranty, heated and strong opinionated, but I wanted to show my raw thoughts and emotions during the recording of the video which will be interesting to come back to down the road and see how much (if at all) my opinions change.
Another important thing I didn’t put in the video is that I don’t have a strong enough emotional, spiritual, and psychological foundation to get maximum benefits from psychedelics with minimal risk. This is not to say that I’m unstable or weak, in fact I’m the healthiest I’ve ever been in my life in all aspects. I just think it’s very difficult integrating a “death by astonishment” experience, especially after seeing what these drugs are capable of, i.e seeing the devil and the darkest depths of human suffering so to speak.
Most of you will understand (I hope) about my life decisions and how this is just my current opinion, which will most likely change and evolve overtime. I am sure I will look back and cringe at a lot of what I said and how I said it, but that’s always the case with every video I create. Like Osho said “If you’re not contradicting yourself, you’re not growing”. So if I never want to be criticised or cringe about what I say, I should just stop expressing myself PERIOD and never put myself out there. So it’s part of the game, which I’m fine with. All I can do is learn from my past and make better decisions in the future, developing better foresight.
Maybe a part of me is also trying to “weed out the crowd” a little bit, such as the hedonistic drug cultists who treat psychedelics way too lightly which ultimately do more damage to this movement (imo). They will probably feel the need to tell me they’re “unfollowing’ me because I don’t take recreational psychedelic drugs anymore and that this channel is "dead", which is perfectly fine. (I’m not a purist by any means, but psychedelics DEMAND RESPECT. And if you don’t show respect and do the work, they will most likely eventually “soul rape” you). I don’t judge ANYONE for who they are or their current lifestyle (especially given my background), but I do have a low tolerance for bs, especially when they spread irresponsible information that can cause harm to others (which I’m guilty of, hence my need to “atone” myself). I just need to lay out my cards out on the table, be brutally honest and express my true authentic self as much as possible, even if I appear to be an “asshole”.
I am of course more than happy to hear constructive criticisms and listen to thoughts & opinions about something I may have missed, etc. I’m very open to that, and I’m okay with being wrong, in fact I EMBRACE it. This is what growing is all about, which I appreciate. But try and refrain yourself from verbally vomiting on the comment section just because your paradigms were challenged. If your beliefs have a strong foundation and you are grounded in who you are, my words will not affect you in anyway. I know some people who explore psychedelics frequently who live happy, healthy lives, yet this is very rare based on my observation. I’m not saying this to avoid negative comments (which is impossible), but to offer a perspective you may not have thought of before. There is way too much psychedelic trivialisation and dangerous misinformation out there.
I could rant for hours on this topic and had to cut most of what I recorded, as there is A LOT to cover! At the end of the day it really comes down to your goals in life and what you want for yourself, which is going to be different for everybody, I can only speak for myself. I want long lasting peace/love/fulfillment which I believe psychedelics can never provide in the long run, at least for me. Besides, I have lifetimes worth of integration to do from past experiences. I don’t need to, yet again, overload my mind with information via a psychedelic drug. If anything, I’m actively trying to let go, be here now, be grounded and connected with my pure being and all that is, or LOVE as Ram Das would put it ;)
And this of course is just my personal situation with my life, and there is a LONG way to go. And besides, it seems like the plants themselves told me to STAY THE FUCK AWAY, so it would be pretty stupid to return, right? At least for now...
I’m genuinely at a really good place in all aspects of my life, in terms of who I am, what I have and where I want to go, for the first time in my life. I have everything that I need. It has been an interesting journey so far (to say the least). I’ve been focusing on doing the real work, instead of “spiritually masturbating” and believing I’m doing the work. I’ve sparred in the inter-dimensional boxing ring long enough, but now it’s time for the real fight.
Everyone knows when it’s their time. And this is mine…
Alan Watts said it’s a message, McKenna said it’s an “endless conversation”. And this is precisely one of the reasons why I wish to stop. It’s an endless journey into an infinitely deep rabbit hole which can cause us to “chase the dragon” so to speak. And overtime, the risks outweigh the rewards. It really does take a special person to be able to truly handle continuously going back into the psychedelic space and gain practical results long term. And I found out the hard way that this is not me. It’s just not my path.
This YouTube channel has especially made it hard for me to unidentify with psychedelics, which is one of the reasons I felt the urge to make this video. If I didn’t have a psychedelic channel, I would not have made this video or even care to share my view on this topic. Sure I could have waited, scripted the video and tiptoed around certain things so I don’t upset most people, but I like the idea of showing how I feel in the moment, even if this inevitably changes overtime. I really don’t care what people think, especially those who get offended by human words. I know that my true audience (God that sounds pretentious lol), even if they disagree with what I say, will at least UNDERSTAND where I’m coming from, and respect my decision. You don’t have to agree to understand, people seem to forget that. It’s called empathy lol. I know that this is a long rant but I felt it was necessary to extend an olive branch to what appears to be a sensitive topic. Which is ironic because it really shouldn’t be, but I guess every community has sensitive people who feel the deep need to defend their views :p.
Like I said in the video, future content will be much better overtime because it will be more AUTHENTIC & REAL. Coming from a place of INSPIRATION not DESPERATION. So dw, more psychedelic content will happen! I just need to work out my financial situation first, so I can make more of this type of content lol.
It may mean less views/subscribers but I couldn’t care less anymore, which is so LIBERATING. I mean of course I’m going to grow my brand and take views into consideration, but this will NOT fully dictate what content I make. Besides, I’m such an introvert that I feel really uncomfortable with the thought of so many people seeing my face lol. Being a YouTuber is one of the most egotistical jobs in the world, so I have to put THAT much more effort into staying humble and grounded in who I am and be connected to WHY I do what I do without straying off my path. I just want to create what I want, whenever I want. To be happy, fulfilled, free, peaceful and grounded in who I am, serving as many people as I can. Time to get the fuck over myself and realise it’s about others, NOT ME ME ME. It’s about focusing on improving other people’s lives, instead of just my own selfish goals.
ANYWAYS…..Cheers for everything guys, none of this would be possible without the support. I’ve learnt so much on this psychedelic/YouTube journey so far which I realise was a stepping stone to get where I was always meant to be. Besides, there are so many other ways to “trip out” and have a psychedelic experience without drugs anyways. (E.g., Meditation, Wim Hof Method, Sweat lodging, lucid dreaming, isolation tanks, etc.) There’s still a long way to go, and a lot of reorganising, planning and most importantly EXECUTING to do, but as many of you guys know, life is a constant journey, and I couldn’t be happier with enjoying every step of the way. :) I’ll speak to you guys soon. Watch this space!
P.S This does not mean I'm going to be "ultra serious" with making videos lol. I'm a trickster and like to have fun, so there will be silly videos as well as the more serious ones (like trip simulations, parodies, etc.). Feel free to contribute on Patreon, especially if you want to support future projects and see more documentaries & higher quality content. :)